Happy Easter, kiddies!

First things first. I got dumped via email (I feel so cheap!) by Gretchen, my perky blonde ex-neighbor. For reasons that will likely remain undisclosed, she decided that she can no longer bear to see me. Her email made vague references to false accusations and my ties to her least favorite neighbors. I haven't the slightest idea what I've done wrong. I suppose it's possible that she's only cutting ties with me because she doesn't want to have any connections whatsoever with the bad neighbors. I hope that's the case because I'd hate to think I've hurt her. I will always love beautiful Tuna!

Anyway, this really blows. Red and Gretchen were going to come stay with me next weekend, and Aurora was going to join us and, by golly, it was going to be more fun than any four bitches should be allowed to have. Now, it's cancelled. Just like that. Another weekend that I'd been eagerly anticipating, heartlessly cancelled. Why, Gretchen? Why do you hate me?! I wish I knew how to quit you!

Moving along...

Friday was the first day that I flexed off since my probation ended and it was fabulous. I slept in, went for a walk by the lake, did some shopping, generally just loafed around. Suddenly, my job seems a little harder to hate. Just a little though.

On Friday afternoon, I drove up to Tower for a weekend that I really was not looking forward to. Easter used to be tied for my favorite holiday. Then Grandma stopped serving blessed food at her house. Strike one for Easter. This year, I knew Red couldn't join us for the holiday. That thought was so depressing that it counts as two strikes. Three strikes, Easter. You're out! I even made a special trip to Barnes and Noble in anticipation of your suckiness.

I spent Friday evening hanging out with my old man. We planted four trees (meaning Dad planted them, while I observed and offered verbal encouragement). Then we rode the four-wheelers out to the shack. It was a gorgeous night and such a nice ride, except that the trails were dry and dusty and this is what I looked like when we got back:

I never learn. Don't I look delightfully paunchy? Aren't you a little bit tempted to poke my puffy center to see if I'll giggle like the Pillsbury Dough Boy?

I can't remember most of Saturday. Honestly. I have no idea why, but I just can't remember it. That indicates to me that I did nothing worth remembering. Dad and I did make a trip to the local watering hole on Saturday night though. A sort of relative, seventy-five times removed, was performing with a friend of his, so we went out to offer support. They were really, really good...and so was the beer. By the time I'd thrown back 5 or 6 tappers and the shot of jagermeister (my first ever!) that a man at the end of the bar had been sweet enough to buy me, Dad was no longer trying to hide the fear and regret in his eyes.

The Miller Lite girls dancing on the bar made the old man a little uncomfortable, so he abandoned his post, leaving me with the crazy man who kept rubbing my leg and offering to find me a man. I did leave the bar with his nephew's phone number in hand. Not a total loss, right?

I got home, called Red for what had to be the eighth time since I'd gotten to Tower, and then hit the sack. Shortly after I got into bed, the dog started going crazy, all a hootin' and a hollerin'. Mom, being the big effin baby that she is, ran into my bedroom to hide, announcing "I'm sure somebody you met at the bar is here looking for you!" Ahh, she overestimates my power. It's flattering though.

So, guess who was at the door. Seriously. Just guess.

IT WAS RED!

I screamed and hugged her and even considered hugging Darren for driving her to Tower. The excitement! The sheer joy of it all! It was the best surprise I could have asked for. In fact, today during church, I got a little weepy because I felt so blessed to be surrounded by my entire family. Red looked so cute, all springy and Eastery:


AND! Look at what she did:


All those baskets. All that candy. When I can't find a single thing in my closet that fits me by the end of this week, it's YOU I'm coming after, Red.

I should have known the bitch was lying when she said she was going to spend her Easter praying all day in her apartment. I'm glad she decided to make it a surprise though. It turned out to be a really great weekend. We all went to church together, had blessed food together, napped after dinner together. It was hard for me to leave this evening, knowing that Red was staying another day, and everyone else (except Mike, because he doesn't count) had tomorrow off. Overall though, great weekend. I think I'm going to expect the worst from now on. I love it when reality far exceeds my expectations. Hooray for Easter!