Old homely bitches!

Without going into too much detail, Thursday was really bad. It may have been the only time I ever truly wanted someone to bust a cap in my chest, just to put me out of my misery. Rumor has it that Christina, with her mad bathroom flooding skills, felt similary horrible.

Despite the world's worst hangover, Wednesday night was super fun. At least the bits and pieces I remember were. Sadly, we didn't get to bowl. It seems everyone else in Duluth and the surrounding areas picked the same night to be at the Incline Station. Therefore, beer became our number one priority. Or Malibu Cokes in Christina's case...and I blame her for my condition because honestly, I was only trying to keep up. Woman was pounding them back like nobody's business.

Our first stop in the evening was Mr. D's (I think), a bar in West Duluth. I was shocked by how nice it was. Crap, if we had gone to the Pioneer, they all would have hated me. The Pioneer is unimpressive. Fortunately, when I'm blasted and home is within walking distance, aesthetics take a backseat.

We finished off our night at Grandma's. I'd love to tell you all about it, but I recall very little. I hope I didn't dance, but I have a rotten queasy feeling in the pit of my stomach that tells me I may have. Part of me feels like I should send out a brief memo apologizing to everyone I came in contact with that night. I still don't feel completely recovered. I'm surprised I was able to muster the strength just now to drag my ass off the couch, away from Toon Disney, to compose this shitty entry.

Moving along...

I left work a couple of hours early on Friday to drive to the cities. Red and I checked ourselves into the hotel, I killed a bug in the bathroom, and we had dinner at Don Pablos. Now, our dining choice is noteworthy because Red is one picky little mofo. I never imagined I'd be able to convince her to dine in an establishment known for its Mexican cuisine. Better yet, she practically initiated it by professing her undying love for taco salads. Bah! My head is still spinning. So strong was my desire for fajita enchiladas that I ate meat on a Friday during Lent.

After Don Pablos, we met Alexis at the hotel for a couple of quick beers before heading to Riverwood. Earlier in the day, Red had invited herself (and me, because she needed a ride) to spend the evening at Rob's house. He conceded not because he loves us, but because he loves Alexis, whom we'd promised to drag along.

Highlights of the evening:

• Red teaches me that there's a trick to insulting people without having them drag you out back to stick a foot up your ass. It all started at Don Pablos, where she serenaded a young child with "shut the fuck up and sit down, you little asshole, nobody likes you," before cheerfully announcing, "If you have something bad to say, sing it and sounds nice so people won't be offended!"
• The Taylor Hicks impression
• Rob's dog, Molly, sailing through the air like a hanglider to strike Red's eye with her cute little nose. It was awesome. I'm sad because a) I'm the only one who saw it and b) I didn't capture it on video.
• Rob forcing me to try on his sunglasses, only to tell me they look much better on Alexis. He seemed mildly OBSESSED with her. Did I mention that? He told her to take the glasses with when she left. I believe he realized that his love would remain unrequited, but seeing a piece of him leave with her eased his broken heart...if only temporarily. Unfortunately, she forgot her piece of Rob in my backseat.
• Red finding $100 in twenties lying on Rob's counter and defiling it every chance she got.
• The girls' reactions to our not being able to find an open bar after leaving my old neighborhood. You know what's classic? Alexis in the Applebees parking lot screaming, "I'M SO PISSED!" over and over again. Also classic? Red yelling, "Fuck you Applebees!" and hanging out the car window, flagging down a strange man in an unmarked white van that screams kidnap me, trying her hardest to get him to follow us back to the hotel. She makes me feel safe, to say the least.

The best part of the entire weekend for me was the distinct lack of hangovers. When has that ever happened during a hotel tour weekend with Red? Never!

Saturday was fun. Red and I spent the day shopping, eating, going to the zoo, then eating some more. I was surprised by the hoardes of people everywhere at the zoo. It wasn't exactly a gorgeous day. I almost had to break somebody's legs when it seemed we might not get a seat at the dolphin show. We did though! Once I got over my case of claustophobic panic, the show was impressive...much better than I expected for the MN Zoo.

I finished off my weekend by spending some really nice sober time with Tom. We watched Walk the Line last night. I have never seen Reese Witherspoon look so hot before. I love her as a brunette. Rarrrr.

I drove back to Duluth earlyish today and oops, didn't do anything. This week is all about the taxes though. Honestly.