The world's toughest competition in town...and other random observations.

If you've never watched an episode of MXC, you must do so! It doesn't get any funnier than that. MXC is to me what a mother's kiss is to her child's boo boo. It makes everything better. I was in a bad mood just thirty minutes ago.

My bad mood can be partially blamed on the fact that Chuck passed away today. Work Chuck, not ex-boyfriend, current roommate Chuck. When I started my first real job two years ago, Work Chuck was one of the very few people that really made me feel welcome. He always had a smile on his face and a bounce in his step. He made happiness contagious. And he wore a lot of really nice sweaters. I interacted with him just enough to know that he was one-of-a-kind. I don't doubt that he'll be missed by all that had the pleasure of knowing him.

The other part of my bad mood can be blamed on Home Chuck being an ass.

There's suddenly been a lot happening in my life. Last Friday, I was offered the job in Duluth and gleefully accepted. I hate change and I'm a little scared to move back up there, but this was too fateful to pass up. I'm not sure I even believe in fate, but seriously...I was offered a job just after breaking up with my boyfriend (there goes my social life), starting two days after my lease ends, at a point in life when I just keep thinking about how much I need to move on.

So, for anyone interested, my current position is now up for grabs. If you're looking for semi-challenging, entry-level accounting work resulting in very little overtime and very little pay, this is the position for you. Let me know and I'll hook you up. They love me.

My matchmaking sister set me up with a "date" on Sunday night and I had more fun than I've had in ages. Nothing happened with the actual date, though he was very nice and polite and fun to hang out with. We all ended up back at my house for darts, foosball, beer, and neighbors. Something about it was magically delicious. I think it may have been the fact that Red let go of all inhibitions in Darren's presence to just get ripped and have a good time. On top of all that, Darren had fun too! I'm almost sure of it. I've never before loved the man as much as I did that night.

I didn't end up meeting the man of my dreams on my blind date, but luckily Red doesn't give up. She offered a date with me (she has that authority, whether I like it or not) to another young man, who declined because I'm Catholic and I drink too much. Darn the luck.

My dad also squeezed in a trip to the cities to spend time with us last weekend. I don't think there ever has been or ever will be a dad as freaking neat as mine. By accepting the position in Duluth, I've completely redeemed myself for all the things I've done to piss him off in the past. I am once again the princess and my tiara is sparklier than ever before.

If you've not yet read my sister's 101 things about herself post, you're missing out. When she started composing the list, she told me that she was having difficulty coming up with so many interesting and/or amusing tidbits. It sounded like a challenge to me. My goal was to create my own list of 100 things about her and post them first. I only made it to about forty before she posted hers, but it's crazy how similar our lists are. She suggested I share what I have, just for shits and giggles.

So, here it is. One hundred (but really only forty-one) things about Red, as I see it:

1. I detest the word turd.
2. Old ladies often tell me my hair is pretty.
3. I can beat most men in a beer drinking contest.
4. My eyeballs rotate.
5. I have a whole hell of a lot of willpower, as evidenced by my 1000 calorie per day diet.
6. I'm extremely gullible. Did you know that if you are the blue team in foosball, you only have to get 9 points to win, just because it's harder to be the blue team?
7. My obnoxious sense of humor draws people to me.
8. I don't own a single pair of socks without holes in them.
9. Liquor makes me shake my ass.
10. I want to marry Lew Ford.
11. If I don't get to marry Lew Ford, I want to marry a farmer.
12. When I grow up, I want dogs instead of kids.
13. I am the whitest person I know.
14. I can ride a unicycle.
15. I love mini golfing.
16. I graduated from college after three and a half years, with a nearly perfect GPA.
17. I have the world's worst depth perception. Hand shakes are more stressful than they ought to be.
18. I don't have a driver's license. Damn it, that's what the bus is for.
19. My boyfriend has a driver's license AND a forklift license.
20. I am the adopted mother of a fat, bitchy cat.
21. I eat chicken every single day.
22. I was once hockey raped.
23. Small children are typically afraid of me. Not Beeb and Audrey though!
24. Once my crazy roommate cut her labia when she was "shaving her legs." I know that's not about me, but it's a damn good story nonetheless.
25. I have no ass.
26. My favorite color combination is orange and purple. Ask me why.
27. I once shook President Bush's hand.
28. I graduated #1 in my high school class.
29. I'm as close as humanly possible to being blind but still able to see.
30. Too much cranberry juice gives me a nasty case of trumpet ass.
31. I once sprained my ankle jumping up to touch the ceiling. So worth it.
32. I had to wear an eye patch when I was young.
33. My boss looks like Richard Gere.
34. I share my name with my sister-in-law.
35. I get attacked by the iron at least once every couple of months.
36. I like to bake.
37. I'm not afraid of bugs and snakes and wood ticks, like most girls.
38. My biggest fear is that I will someday be white trash.
39. I love SkeeBall and, as a result of my passion for it, hold the world record for the amount of time spent in Chuck E. Cheese in one year by a person older than 10 years of age.
40. If I ever do get accidentally pregnant and give birth to a baby girl, I will name her Rhiannon, after my estranged wife.
41. I never wear sandals, because my feet are funny.

If you're still reading this, you deserve a cookie and a hug.