My long weekend...and I do mean long.

I'm a little depressed by the thought that I have to return to work tomorrow morning. I haven't been there since Thursday and a girl could really get used to these four-day weekends.

The reunion....

Certainly had its moments. I've heard so many stories about these people that it was nice to be able to put faces to names and/or stories. My very favorite part of the weekend was Jess* telling me that there were NO good looking women in his class. None. Bunch of dogs. Dogs with small boobs. Small boobs and bad hair. I was kind of looking forward to it for that reason. What can I say, I'm a woman.

As you can probaby imagine, I was defuckinglighted to find that AT LEAST three fourths of the women in his class are gorgeous--and I'm not saying that because I expected faces only a mother could love. They were hot by anyone's standards. To add insult to injury, most of them have given birth within the last eight weeks and are already back down to their perfect size two figures. It made me puke a little.

The weekend was mostly fun. Jess and I did get into a little spat on Saturday night because I was "like a bump on a log." FTLOG man, excuse me for being hungover. After a previous night drunk, I'm like God on the seventh day. I need a day of rest. It's how I operate. After we got past the "I told you I didn't want to come!"s and the "I told you that you should have come alone"s and the "I want to be at home sleeping!"s, I got back on the horse and made those damn boys proud.

All said and done, I met some really cool people, including Brenda, the sweet, adorable pastor's wife with the most beautiful baby I've ever seen, and Steph, the high school dork turned hottie who made it her weekend goal to see that I had a good time, and Becky, Jared's wife, who got too inebriated for anyone's own good, grabbed asses, and danced on laps all night long while Jared looked the other way.

Weekend highlights....

• The man at the bar who told me that Wisconsin is a "beautiful city...sorry, country."
  
• Each classmate was asked to get up in front of the group and share a funny story or something surprising that has happened in his or her life during the past ten years. Cody seized this opportunity to announce "I had hemorrhoid surgery." And I thought I liked him before...wow.
  
• Cody's story was topped only by the newly married jock who brought the Friday night post-bar party to his mother-in-law-of-a-week's house, where he proceeded to order gay porn on her tv shortly before passing out on her couch.
  
• I witnessed my first bar fight. Life is good.
  
• The random woman in the bar telling me that someday the stick up my ass will rot and fall out when I refused to let her buy me a drink. Then she bought me one anyway. I think we had an unspoken connection.
  
• Sally's boobs....and her love of cheesy balls.
  
• Jess's lippy but somewhat likeable classmate standing at the bar yelling, "Hey, meth fucking chick! Get me a beer, damn it!" I don't think she was an employee. She shot him a semi-seductive look and did a little meth-induced dance, which only pissed him off more, before turning the cold shoulder. He almost had to get the beer himself...just like the last time he was there.
  

I wish I had pictures to share with you. Alas, the camera malfunctioned, so the weekend will live on only in our memories.

*Jess is Chuck. I was forced to use his real name all weekend. My few slips were met with responses such as "who the hell is Chuck?" and "yeah, have another...." So, it kind of stuck. I apologize for any confusion.