The sacrificial dilemma.

Today is Ash Wednesday (and also March, go away snowstorm!). For many of us Catholics, this translates into sacrifice in the form of fasting, no meat on Fridays, and choosing something delicious or meaningful to abstain from for the next forty days.

Last year, I gave up alcohol for Lent. It was difficult in the sense that I was living with a man who had a tough time letting a night pass beerless. At the same time, it was a breeze, because I had all the control in our relationship and I could prevent any and all social gatherings from taking place at our house. Because he never went anywhere without me, I was able to spend most of my time with someone I loved. Besides, all he ever drank at that point was Labatt. Labatt makes me throw up.

I've spent the last few weeks preparing myself to make the same sacrifice for Lent 2006. It gets a little trickier this year. My work week is, without fail, very uneventful and I spent the vast majority of my time alone. This results in me wanting to take full advantage of my weekends. Lately, full advantage has included at least one falling-down-drunk night. My dad reminds me weekly, "you don't need to get drunk to have a good time." Yes Pa, but it doesn't hurt.

Yesterday, my former neighbor Gretchen threw a wrench into my plans. Basking in the glow of her new carpet and yearning to have somebody to share her beautiful home with, she invited Red and I to stay with her for a weekend. A weekend during Lent. It took me five minutes, maximum, to rescind everything I'd said about my crusade to make it through Lent sober.

Despite the customary Catholic guilt, I am already beyond excited for that weekend. It's always fun to be back on my old street, no matter who I'm spending time with. But an entire weekend there with Red AND Gretchen? Life doesn't get any better! I fucking cannot even express to you how much fun I have with these two (see, I used the f-bomb for emphasis and you still have NO IDEA). And! It gets better! It turns out Gretchen is a pyromaniac and she's promised us a bonfire. Beer and bonfires are the peanut butter and jelly in my life. The combination is absolutely unbeatable!

With the beer vow now a distant memory, I've decided to sacrifice candy for the next forty days. I've justified it by convincing myself that it will be much more difficult than giving up alcohol would have been. Seriously. I spent the vast majority of my away-from-work time in my apartment. What's going to be more tempting? Several cans of fifteen-year-old cheap beer or a five and a half pound bag of Tootsie Rolls, which I bought last week when I made the mistake of going to Target on an empty stomach? Those Tootsie Rolls are already taunting me!

Furthermore, my daily candy fix can't possibly be good for my oral health. I'd much rather have a good-looking set of chops than a pretty liver. Nobody is going to see it!

I took Fat Tuesday pretty seriously this year. Last night, I consumed at least seven Tootsie Pops and a pound of Tootsie Rolls (amazingly, I still haven't made a dent in the bag o' cavities). Can you imagine how I'd feel today if I had given up alcohol?

Amen, Gretchen.