Weekend recap - President's Day edition

Happy President's Day! I bet it's a lot happier for me than it is for you poor bastards that are working today. I'm going to try to not enjoy it too much...out of respect for you...because I love you. I swear I did not sleep in until 10.

Another busy weekend has passed me by. Right after work on Friday, I drove to the cities to pick Red up for our weekend of giggles. We stopped to eat and shopped around Knollwood for a few minutes (that's as long as it takes to see everything) before heading back up to Duluth. In preparation for the weekend ahead, we went to sleep almost immediately after arriving.

On Saturday morning, Dad arrived to spend the day with us. We had a really good time. I think Red probably misses spending time in Duluth with him as much as I do. He was born and raised in Duluth, and we spent a lot of time here with him in our formative years. Those are some of my favorite memories. We spent our Saturday shopping, eating (did we ever stop doing that this weekend?), and lounging around my apartment. We even went to see a movie, which was (GASP!) Dad's idea. We saw the Pink Panther, but I can't tell you whether or not it was good, because I couldn't stop hating the gaggle of ten-year-old girls talking behind us long enough to enjoy it.

When Dad left, Red and I got ready for our night out. Sometimes I wonder if other people get ready the same way we do. Sure, we put a small amount of time and effort into our appearances, but getting ready usually consists of building the best buzz we can before heading out on the town. We were half in the bag when we called the cab. Yes, a cab! Everyone we know made us promise that we wouldn't walk to and from the bars in this extreme cold.

When we stepped into the bar, it was completely empty (that's what happens when you go out at 7 o'clock) except for HER...the blonde-hating bartender whose acquaintance I first made last weekend. For lack of better options, Red and I got to know her. As it turns out, she went to high school with my dad, she had two heart attacks recently, and she hates everyone. Red and I got a picture with her to show Dad. She smiled for the picture and then said something to the effect of, "now get the fuck out of here before I kick your ass." I could have taken her, but my parents raised me better than that. Never fight an elderly woman with a heart condition unless she throws the first punch.

Things eventually picked up at the hotel bar. We met a friendly group of hockey coaches/parents/siblings who were kind enough to accompany us to the Pioneer Bar. Red was onto something when she said that the Pioneer should pay us commission in the form of free beer for all the freaking business we bring in from the local hotels.

Before we left the Radisson, Aurora showed up. That's when the party starts! I'm pretty sure we left the Radisson without her though. Oops. She met some sexy little thangs much hotter than the smut we were able to pick up. We set the bar low. Of course, the exception is Jack. Sigh...Jack.

Aurora eventually made it to the Pioneer...without her sexy bitches, unfortunately. I wish I could tell you a lot of really good stories from our time there, but things were pretty hazy by that point. So, the highlights that I do remember:

Red stole some random guy's beer, right from under his nose. It was a gutsy move, based strictly on principle, of course. My hero!

We stared at and photographed Jack some more. I was pretty sure he hated me, but his dad (who also came out with us to scare away potential suitors) insisted Jack's just shy.

I made out with a hockey coach. Sound familiar?

The hockey coach followed us home.

I say he followed us because I'm pretty sure he wasn't invited, and "I brought a guy home" sounds dirty. Unfortunately, no matter how I word it, it WAS dirty. I had an epiphany this weekend. It's time for me to grow up and cut back a little on the binge drinking. I don't like blacking out. I don't like passing out, having not brushed my teeth or washed my face. I don't like random virgins (HA!) half-naked in my bedroom. I don't like wasting a whole Sunday on a hellish hangover that all the Gatorade in the world won't cure.

We broke all those promises we made and walked home from the bar. I can't remember why. I can't even remember the walk. Red fell, and I missed it! Thank goodness we have after pictures.

As luck would have it, the hockey coach was not a nice boy. No matter how many times he insisted he LOVES me (strangely, that magic word didn't get him into my pants...), I didn't love him back. None of us did. So, we finally got him out of my apartment. Aurora, just because she's sweet, drove him back to the hotel so he wouldn't have to freeze his ass off...and he was still mean!

I wasted way too much time locked in my room sucking face with the boy. The wine stains on my living room floor tell me that I would have had much more fun with the girls.

Somehow, on the walk back from the bars, my camera disappeared. Are you ready to find out why I love these chicks like I do? At around 3am, they hopped in the car and drove to the parking lot where Red donates blood whenever she visits Duluth. There they got down on their hands and knees, in twenty-below temps, looking under cars for it. And, by golly, they found it! It was in Red's coat pocket all along. It's the thought that counts.

We tried our hardest to stay up until 8:30, when Aurora was scheduled to leave us. I lost conciousness on the couch sometime between 5 and 6am, if memory serves me correctly (and I'm pretty sure it doesn't.) Aurora woke us before she left to say goodbye and tell us that the night was "shit-my-pants-funny." That can't be a bad thing!

Sunday was absolutely horrible. I was sick. Red and I were both tired. We eventually mustered all the strength we could and went to Red Lobster for lunch. The food was delicious and our waitress was hot, but I just couldn't fully enjoy the experience. I was moving in slow motion. At one point I tried to take a sip of my diet coke and, I can't explain this, I accidentally blew in the straw instead of sucking on it and I shot diet coke all over my food. I was so startled by it that I struck my plate loudly with my glass, unnecessarily drawing attention to my lack of skills and my hysterical sister.

After lunch, we slow-motioned our way back to my apartment to get Red's overnight bag and then we hit the road again. She slept almost the entire way home. That bitch. It was still daylight though, and stuffing my face with salmon and shrimp had improved my condition slightly, so I let her doze.

After dropping Red off, I drove to my former neighborhood in Burnsville. Everything was so quiet and dark. I could hardly breathe when I got out of the car. I'm always a little nervous about seeing Tom, but this time was worse. I hadn't seen him in over a month and we hadn't talked for longer than a minute and a half in that time.

His dog seemed pretty excited to see me, but Tom? Not so much. I think I've hurt him a little and I feel really bad about that. It's hard for me to tell him though, because we never talk seriously. He warmed up to me a little but the conversation never progressed beyond polite small talk. Still, it was nice to just be close to him. I act so nonchalant about everything but, in reality, I hope things aren't over between us. If they are, at least he's introduced me to Grey's Anatomy. I'm not leaving this empty-handed.

I left at about 10 and the drive home was absolutely horrible. Some people do okay on three or four hours of sleep, but I'm not one of them. I was hallucinating and dozing off and having troubles keeping it between the lines. I should have swallowed my pride and just stayed in the cities like everyone told me to. Why am I so stubborn?! It was a slow trip, but I eventually made it home safely. Hooray! I've never been happier to see my bed.

I wish every Monday was President's Day.

More pictures here!